According to Kendra Cherry, “Learning is often defined as a relatively lasting change in behavior that is the result of experience.” Apart from change, learning is among the constants in the world. From the moment you open your eyes as an infant, you tend to study the sounds and the sights around you. When you go to the park for the first time, you try to learn how to interact with other kids. At home, doing chores, knowing how to dress up, and cleaning after yourself are part of the learning experience, too. All of this aims to prepare us for actual studying that will take place at school.
The thing is, the more year levels people cover, the more you may find it challenging. “There are gains in learning to be harnessed from putting minds together,” according to Benjamin Mitchell-Yellin, Ph.D. It is the reality that a lot of students deal with. In the beginning, it may be math or science alone. After a year or two, history or chemistry may become difficult as well. There may come a time when everything seems tricky, and you may genuinely consider quitting school before you even develop your multitasking skills.
The question is, why does it happen? What makes studying more challenging than it already is?
Urge To Meet Everyone’s Expectations
Ever since we were kids, we were programmed to want to meet everyone’s expectations. For instance, whenever your mother would say, “Make sure that you will become #1 in class,” that’s what you’d strive to do. If your father said, “I hope you will excel at math,” you might force yourself to make it happen.
However, why should you have to go to such lengths? Is it for praises, recognition, or determination to prove your worth? If any of those acts as your driving force, you will undoubtedly run out of juice before you reach the finish line.
Incessant Grade-Shaming From Parents
It is fantastic to have moms and dads who never pressure you to be better than your peers. When you come home with a B- or C+, they congratulate you and tell you how proud they are of your accomplishment. Even though you have a tough time during your exams and perhaps only get half of them correctly, they say that it’s okay and that you can always come back stronger next time.
What’s awful is having parents who always nag you to be the best. The typical conversation at home may go like this:
“Mom, I got an A-!”
“Oh yeah? Why didn’t you get an A+?”
“It was an extremely challenging project, and—”
“No more excuses. Any grade below A+ is trash. Do you hear me?”
Now, I am hardly exaggerating. Some parents genuinely talk like that to their kids. They think it will do them good, but that’s not true. Their driving force to study is the fear of getting insulted by their parents and feeling insignificant because their A- is “not good enough.” Because of that, the kids may end up flunking once they crack.
Final Thoughts
How difficult is it to be helpful to a person who tries their best to get good grades? Sure, not every hard worker has a shot for the gold, but it will still be nice to encourage them to push forward. As Nate Kornell Ph.D. said, “College isn’t all about grades, it’s really about learning.”
A word of advice? Don’t let anyone pressure you and make you feel less because someone is better at something than you. If the opposite happens, you may give up on studying altogether, thinking that you are not smart enough to stay in school.
Ultimately, if learning has become very challenging to you to the point that you have been stressed, anxious, and worried, be enlightened by talking to one of the compassionate online therapists from BetterHelp. Mental health, whether it be mild or severe, is a priority for each counselor of the BetterHelp team. Take that step and get connected to us today.